I’d Like to be Beyonce When I Grow Up

So, as I mentioned in my last post, yes, I’ve been a little pensive these last, ohhhh, nine months or so.  It has not been a good year, overall, for me, and, being apparently professionally unemployed (perhaps the only job for which I seem qualified?), I have had plenty of time and opportunity to think, think, think, and more think.  Which is likely the reason that I am up at 3:11 a.m. drinking a coffee and writing a blog post, rather than slumbering peacefully like most human beings.

Every once in a while I get sucked in to the world of YouTube, where one “innocent” video about potato farmers in New Mexico inexplicably yet possibly in a 7-degrees-of-separation-like fashion has me drooling at the screen four hours later watching a Beyonce music video.
Dual purpose drooling, mind.
Drooling because my brain is warped and I have turned into a zombie from sitting mindlessly at the computer, and drooling because if I were a dude, or a gal who fancied women, Beyonce would be IT for me.

I was not an early fan of hers, nor the whole Destiny’s Child thing.  I was pretty annoyed by them, to be honest, and was pretty gleeful about the whole Gemini’s Twin parody on Saturday Night Live.  I had a little twitch, however, when I saw her sing on some MTV (?) Fashion Rocks special.  You know, the one where she sings “Deja Vu” in her Josephine Bakeresque outfit.

I saw that and thought, “$hit, I want a banana skirt.”
Then, “I want to look like that in a banana skirt.”
Then, “I want a rhinestone bra too.”
“And a fan to blow my hair around because it does get pretty hot when it’s on my face.”
And naturally, “I’m never going to eat again and I’m going to work out every day so I can look like that in my banana skirt.  I’m gonna wear my banana skirt every day.”

So that was the beginning of my need to be Beyonce.

Fast forward to years later, watching videos of her surprising school kids and then performing with them in high heels as part of the whole “Let’s Move” anti-obesity campaign, and that got me further hooked.

“$hit, I want a pair of tight white jeans.”
Then, “I want to look like that in a pair of tight white jeans, even though it’s totally not my style, but if I looked like that, I would wear white jeans, dammit.”
And naturally, “I want to wear tight white jeans and a tank top and high heels and do a workout in a gym and not look like a total moronic white girl.  Every day.  In fact, I don’t want to be a white girl.  Also, I’m never eating again.”

I just found out, while searching for the banana skirt video, that she was voted “Most Beautiful Woman in the World” by People Magazine this year, so I guess I’m a little late to the show on this one.  However, just because apparently the entire universe agrees that Beyonce is IT, doesn’t mean I can’t wax poetic about her for one tiny post.

I know this may come as a total shock, but, despite all of those inspirational videos, my wardrobe still sadly lacks a banana skirt and white jeans.  Tomorrow, though, for sure, I will start never eating again, and doing tougher workouts.  Yes.

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