Cheese Cream, Derodiant, Melonade, and Horbones

“Is that a cup of pee on the stove?”
“Huh?”
“Is that a cup of pee on the stove…?”
“A cup of what?”
“Pee.”
“Pee?”
“Yeah, a cup of pee.”
“Why the hell would there be a cup of pee on the stove??”

Real conversation encountered between my son and myself recently.
He was referring to a plastic cup on the stove which contained olive oil.  Not pee.  I’m not sure in which home he grew up, but we certainly don’t have cups of pee on the stove, or lying around anywhere else, for that matter.

Today’s post is going to be a quickie about the weird things kids come up with as they’re growing up.  Or even if they’re already grown up.

Spenser used to confuse some words when he was very young, among them, the correct items known as cream cheese, deodorant, lemonade, and hormones.  Interestingly enough, we still refer to these items by their incorrect names, though I think we’ve now moved on to actually saying “lemonade.”   (I actually had to re-type the correct spelling of “deodorant” because to me, it is “derodiant.”)

The word “horbones” was invented/discovered in a unique way.  Back when Princess Diana died, I was a sad mess. I know it seems ridiculous, but this is the lady who I watched and followed since I was young; read everything I could about her engagement, arose early to watch her wedding, followed her married life.  Years later, as I was watching some more footage on the mind-boggling car crash which ended her life, I was, of course, crying.  Spenser surprisingly noticed this, and asked, “What’s a matter, Mommy?  Is it your horbones?”

Now, I have a whole other post regarding horbones, but it’s pretty damned amusing that a four year old boy already has a grasp on the idea of what hormones can do to a female and uses the word as part of his conversation.  I never wanted a son who would be squeamish about “female things,” so I guess he actually learned one lesson early on.  Quite possibly the only lesson I ever taught, but, that’s for another time.

We use these pet words in public, and I’m sure that anyone overhearing might wonder what kind of moron doesn’t know that the proper phrase is “cream cheese” and not vice versa.  Thankfully, I have never mistakenly asked anyone where the “derodiant” aisle was located.  So, believe it or not, I sometimes give a little leeway if someone mispronounces or misspells an interesting word.  Now, I’m not talking about two/too/to, you know me enough by now.  No leeway for that.

But if I hear someone say they are making bisghetti (spaghetti) for dinner, I give them a break, and maybe even a smile.  As long as they don’t serve it with milk or melonade.  Or pee.

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