Automatic Flushers Are Bad

Well, it has been some time since I have written of any adventures in the Ladies’ Room, so I decided that today’s post would pay homage to that special place in my heart.  Today I’m going to talk about automatic flusher toilets in public restrooms;  you know, the toilets with the nefarious black box and flashing red light located behind the plumbing.

I admit that, while I appreciate the fact that the flusher people have saved me from touching a bacteria-laden flusher handle, and that they are guaranteeing that the bowl will always be sparkling clean upon entering my private oasis, I secretly curse their creators whenever I see them.

I remember someone telling me once that the force of a household toilet flush is strangely strong, shooting something like 8428921634 particles of bacteria and who knows what else into the air at 92 m.p.h with every lever press.  It’s why you are told to either keep your toothbrush in the cabinet, or close the lid on the toilet when you flush.  I can only imagine the forces present in these public toilets, since they seem to be rather dramatic with loud noises and furious draining of water.

There are two significant problems, particularly with the auto flusher toilets.  One is that there is no lid to cover the expelling of microscopic bodily goodies into the air.  The other is that you are put into a high state of alert, in fear that the flush is going to happen before you’ve finished your business.   If you add in the fact that many public toilets no longer have a little hook for your purse, you are forced into a bizarre contortionist stance with your pocketbook hung ’round your neck while trying to get your business done, and sometimes even having to stop mid-business because you are sure that the flush is going to happen, and you don’t want your parts near the bowl when it does.

I always wonder about the exact “timing” of the flush sensor, and whether it is a sensor at all.  For example, does it “see” my legs and think I’m already doing my business, and thus, starts the timer?  I mean, I have to assess a lot of things before I even get down to that part of things.  Often I will just wait for the first flush to happen, covering all exposed body parts, and prepare for the frantic .02 second business-doing before the next flush.

And who decided for how long the timer should tick, anyway?  Probably some guy, no doubt!  What if a person has more serious business to conduct in there?  Shouldn’t there be some sort of option (like, “1″ or “2″… ha) available?  While you already know my stance on “option 2″ in a public restroom, there are plenty of people out there who gleefully explore that option, and I feel it’s my duty to speak on their behalf.

I won’t even go into the part about what happens after the business is done, and sometimes one is forced to do an intricate toilet dance in an attempt to attract the sensor to cause a flush.  No one wants to touch that tiny button located on the box; sure, leaning over the bowl while the flush engages sounds like a lot of fun, but I’d rather not.

I think I should do some posts on how guys have it easier (certainly in regard to public restrooms), because, really, this is ridiculous.  They can do their business from three feet away (okay, I exaggerate), and not have to worry about business particles shooting at them.

In the end, we ladies are forced to suffer the consequences of dealing with these “making business easier” contraptions, and I feel that this is unjust.  I encourage all of you to write to your local Congressman, or even start an “Anti-Automatic-Flushers” campaign in your local town square.  We can put an end to this nonsense, once and for all!


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